Putting the pencil to the paper……..

This is one of my favourite weekends in April.  The Grand National followed by the Oxford/Cambridge boat race, what could be better?  You know Spring is here, when this weekend approaches! 

I’m thinking these would be two good weeks to read as much as I can and to try and dip my toe back into writing poetry.  I don’t know how this will go – as inspiration has to hit me.  Usually I have to be somewhere secluded, outside, or where I’m experiencing things other than what I would normally.  So, that is my plan.  It is difficult, with two children constantly wanting your attention, to find time of quiet outside of the home.  So, I will have to be creative about this.

I was looking up poetry competitions just a little while ago.  I get butterflies thinking about it.  But, then I begin to doubt myself and whether I can still write like I used to.  Once upon a time, I could sit down and whip up a poem without so much as batting an eyelid.  I would submit poems to competitions, as an afterthought, and somehow I seemed to always win a prize.  Things just came to me, vivid pictures in my mind that I could create with words – words that could mingle and dance together to create images that stained the imagination.  Do you lose this ability when you fall out of practice?  Or, is it like riding a horse….maybe once I jump back on the saddle I’ll be able to get right back into it.  I won’t know, until I put pencil to paper……I just need to start.  The thought of not being able to write like I did, scares me.  I’m too worried that what I will write won’t be as good or that it will lack any depth or meaning to other readers.  For some reason, my confidence has been knocked and I’m not sure how to get it back on track.

If I once could make words jump off pages, why do I think I won’t be able to do it again?  What has changed?  My age? My profession?  It seems that my job would give me even more inspiration to write about!  Perhaps I am more reserved, less confident in experimenting with my words, my pictures, the whole cacophony of sentences flowing together (or lack of a flow for that matter!)?

This is my problem.  I’m thinking far too much about it…..I just need to write.  As I keep saying, things will not get done by talking about them…..you actually have to just do it.

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